I'm back.
I think it's interesting how our attraction to people can TOTALLY and COMPLETELY cause our minds to lie. The last guy I kind of dated ended up being a tool. I saw him a few more times after said "toolness," because let's face it..I was lonely and had needs. What blew my mind was how unattractive he was after my liking spree ended. If I had a dick, I would have struggled getting it up. I think a stripper from Cafe Risque' would have had more luck. Don't get me wrong he isn't ugly AT ALL, but I guess when a guy is not who you think he is, you find it mad easy to change his 5 star rating to half a star. Yes, I realized I just typed "mad easy," I guess it's one of those days.
I remember the last time I saw him I layed there looking into his eyes thinking "You really disgust me, and I hate you. I see your smile. Mine is totally fake. I know you think I'm hot. Can you leave?" I smiled back. I felt like a player.
It was one of those--I-need-to-be-on-something-for-this-to-work-moments.
It was one of those Maybe-if-I-close-my-eyes-and-pretend-you-are-Don Draper-this-can-work-moments.
It was one of those Shit-I'm-not-in-Kansas-anymore-moments.
I think I need to date a boy that fits this description and article:
"His Facebook friend count will be over-the-roof, and his wall will be plastered with the broken English ‘miss-you’ of friends he met along the way. When he travels, he makes lifelong friends in an hour. And although contact with these friends is sporadic and may be far-between, his bonds are unmessable and if he wanted, he could couch surf the world… again."
Date a boy who travels.
Every guy I dated aside from my first boyfriend, has been..in better words a pussy. The second guy I dated in high school was a toxic, fucked up, bi-polar mess--and at the time I was too young and stupid to end it sooner. I can't believe I didn't stand up for myself, but I guess that's what growing up is all about.
The next boyfriend I had was a magician (for real), and he magically made another girl appear, while I was stored away in a box with knives poking at me. The common theme among my relationships has been their jealousy of my "social butterflyness," and they also, they have had no desire to travel.
How can you not travel? Honestly, I would have no problem getting my degree and leaving. Teaching all over, working as a tutor--I don't care...I just want to see the world--it makes my soul happy. So yes, I need to date a boy that travels. I don't have time for guys that are somehow intimidated of my personality, or guys that half like me, or aren't accepting of the love I have to give. I have become much more open in the last year and I guess that's just too much to handle.
I've reached a point where I'm not really interested in a real relationship--I'd rather sit at home, cook, read, and watch The Office. I don't need a man--but hey you "pot-smoking-I'm-too-afraid-to-let-my-guard-down-fucker," I hope you miss me while I'm having the time of my life all summer :) Gainesville is a hell hole. How fitting for you :)
And to all the Denmark Boys...
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