Who creates the rules on test taking? Why do we only have an hour to showcase what we have learned over a six week period. How does that make sense? I worked my ass off all weekend for my exam tonight--and I barely pulled through. Sigh. It's one of those "I feel like I'm never going to graduate and should find the nearest bridge" moments. Could my semester get any more stressful? Still broke. Still no financial aid. Broken phone. Ridiculous amounts of tension. Yikes.  

2014

Oh hey blog it's been awhile. So I am actually really excited for the new year. This year I am graduating, might be working in France for a month teaching kids, hopefully returning to Denmark for some pre-chicago inspiration, MOVING TO CHICAGO to pursue comedy--my childhood dream and love, putting on the final Funny Woman Show back at the Brew Spot, and of course getting rock hard abs like everyone and their mothers. But really--I do have some very realistic goals for the new year and I know that they will come true--and hey if they don't, at least I worked my ass off. 

Health Goals

* Commit more to the primal/paleo lifestyle--changing my diet has really changed my life this year and I would like to fully transition and commit 100%.
* Walk More
* Yoga More 
* Be happy

Educational Goals 

* Go to class. Everyday. Read. Finish assignments early. GRADUATE

Chicago Goals 

*Move to Chicago 

*Volunteer at Second City 

*Audition for the Second City Conservatory Program 

*Perform some open mic improv shows

*Try stand-up 

*Find a job or a sugar daddy to support me

*Find a safe and convenient place to live

I can't wait for the semester to begin. Two days left! I'm excited to improvise again and begin rehearsals for Angels in America! This semester is going to fly.

I can appreciate a man that goes out of his way to jazz up his online dating profile. I mean don't get me wrong, anything is better than the "hey girl look how big dis fish I caught is ; ) ;) ;)" picture, but sometimes guys can seem too perfect.  Any guy that has a picture cuddling a baby tiger and/or petting
horses is a winner. He might as well have a picture feeding the hungry, or putting out a fire with a garden hose with a caption of "He does what he can," or stopping someone from tripping the Pope. Dear Guy, do you exist? I'm just going to go back to waiting for my hot Chicago improviser boyfriend**


*accepting applications 
*side note: anchorman 2 was fantastic.

Seminar

What I had to say to you, moreover, would not take long, to wit: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience BECOMING, to find out what’s inside you, to MAKE YOUR SOUL GROW.

-Kurt vonnegut

You know--one amazingly terrifying realization I have made from working on Seminar is how much of a scaredy cat I can be. I am terrified 90% of the time of sharing certain ideas, sketch work, new songs--pretty much anything personal that I keep close to my heart. I ADMITTED IT OK?  And why? Why is it human instinct to hold onto our creations until our fingerprints are burned there, and then let days--weeks--months--years go by before showing them to anyone. If we even man up to do so. It doesn't make sense. This is the time to be failing, and it's only then that we learn and better prepare ourselves for all types of criticism. Putting yourself out there is nerve wracking, but it's also the right thing to do, especially in a University setting where people care about you, or at least are great pretenders.

My show opens on Friday, and I'm still trying to figure out where the last four and a half weeks went. I am really excited. I couldn't be more happy with my cast--they are all really wonderful people, great players, and have a group dynamic that I think is difficult to find. Maybe I'm just being biased, or stroking my ego boner right now--but really. I have never once stopped believing in them or their work. Even when lines are forgotten, and moments are lost, and no one is listening--it's part of the process, and it amazes me every time what being present and just listening to words does.

The show questions what is at the core of the creator. What keeps an artist passionate, and when shit couldn't possibly get any worse, how do force yourself to keep going rather than give up. It's a place we have all fallen into, or are currently trapped in--and I think everyone can relate to the struggles of an artist.

It's kind of a perfect idea to explore right before graduating, because soon enough I'm not going to have quiet as large of a support system I sometimes forget that I have right now. We have access to so many wonderful resources whether a professors opinion, a free rehearsal space, thousands of books and free articles, access to people that will work on projects for free, computer labs, filming equipment, etc.

A few years/months/days ago I was complaining about what I have not learned at this University, and what I feel that I have missed out on, but honestly? You have to create your own work. You have to read books. You have to admit that you do not know everything, you will never know everything and sometimes you just need some god damn help. So ask for it. It won't kill you. Sometimes you have put down your cell phone and BE with people. Sometimes you have to be that person in class that raises their hand, while everyone else is too afraid to. Sometimes you need to scream at the top of your lungs and get all the negativity out. Sometimes you have to LISTEN to people. FEEL for people.

Just. Be. Present.

It's one of the most beautiful things you can do.

What my vending machine would look like

Vending machines piss me off--and I would like to redesign them. I wrote an email to someone at work a few weeks ago, providing several options that we could replace the un-purchased candy with in our department. Here is what I came up with.

Kind Bars

These are freaking delicious, and I love that their motto is "ingredients you can pronounce." You should know what you are putting into your body. I love these because most of them are 99% Paleo and they don't destroy my stomach or hurt my teeth like the fake sugary chemical ones do. 

Roasted Seaweed

Okay, so once you get over that seaweed looks like thin pieces of paper--these aren't bad. The only downside is that there is no pretty way to eat them. Trust me, I have tried. I prefer fresh seaweed salad, but this is cheaper and will do. The only ingredients are seaweed and salt. Win. 

Unsalted Almonds

Almonds are naturally sweet and are full of wonderful antioxidants that show love to your heart and cholesterol  I prefer almonds over those mixed nut packs that often contain candy, extra sugar and MSG. Just be simple. Okay?

Veggie Chips 

Vegetable chips! These are great, TraderJoes has a brand "Vegetable Root Chips," and Terra makes them as well. No chemicals. Gluten free. Tasty. No grease. Yum

Instant Soup

Dr. McDouglas soup is a much better alternative to Ramen noodles. These are a little more expensive than the $0.17 you are used to, but they are better for the body and there are gluten free and paleo options. Ramen is also high in fat,  packed with crazy amounts of sodium, as well as MSG. It's also pretty sad when you check out the nutritional information--first of all who eats half a pack of Ramen? No one. Well, a pack is 380 calories and 126 of those are from fat and white flour. Yay America.  

Apple Chips 

I'm all about these right now. These are a perfect fall snack, and a really great option for kids. You can even make them at home in yo' oven. Here's a recipe, she adds sugar and cinnamon, but you can do what you want.   Listed ingredients: apples. Keep it simple! 

Peter Rabbit Fruit Drink

Let's all be 5 again, but this time grab a healthy version of Capri Sun. This is a great grab and go drink, and helps knock out lurking hunger strikes. And the packaging is cute. Be a cool kid again. 

Dark Chocolate

If I were to add one sweet, it would be pure dark chocolate. First of all, it's hard to eat an entire bar of dark chocolate in  one sitting (and that isn't the point right?) it can be saved and enjoyed. 

I have a few more options bouncing around in my mind, but for now, these were the best. Maybe I have inspired you, maybe not--but do you really need those cheetos? I mean damn. 

Just take another look at this. Ew. 

An office job--is very much like The Office

I never pictured myself working in an office, but honestly, I AM SO HAPPY TO NOT WORK IN THE FOOD INDUSTRY ANYMORE. I used to work on campus--making salads--and feeding my friends. I did it for two years, and after I finally got a very needed raise--I quit. Can someone say dramatic?

I walked past the place the other day--same staff--same miserable look--same salady smell.

I just couldn't do it anymore. Even one hour of salad making felt like I was on a long journey to hell. My shifts were never more than four hours, but it sure did feel like eternity. The company on campus is extremely unorganized, we apparently hire racists and slackers (One time a girl I worked with called a Chinese man "Ching Ching" and asked what he wanted. She called all white men Charles--and she would also take 45 minute bathroom breaks as soon as I arrived. She still works there. This is year three. Go Merika!), and my boss always called me by a different name. Plain and simple. It just sucked.

And now I am working for a super awesome company that helps save lives. Everyone I work with is really friendly, and the company treats everyone with the same amount of respect. I have awesome hours, the work isn't difficult, I even show up 15 minutes early and clock in 7 miles a day on my bike. How adult like.

Working in an office is a bit bizarre though. I guess I now understand office humor. But seriously, don't let your kids work in the food industry. Unless you hate them. Then by all means.

Seriously, don't buy an iPad--go to Europe

First of all--I just discovered this band and really dig them.

Anyway..moving on...

It's been about a month since I've returned to America. I MISS YOU EUROPE! Why was I not born in a Scandinavian country? WHY? Maybe in my next life. Hopefully.

The end of my European adventure was spent with Anum. I messaged her earlier this year and said, "Hey wanna go farming with me in August?" Luckily she said yes-- probably after a mental What The Fuck? And that was that. 

I looked into an organisation called WWOOF and found two farms in Denmark that sparked interest. We decided to spend a few nights in Copenhagen before farming our asses off. Copenhagen was great--we took our time walking around meaning getting lost too often, hanging out in the Botanical gardens, seeing friends and making new ones, and of course finding our equally shared soul-mate Paul. 

Oh Paul. Paul was a cute little book cafe we were introduced to. EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT.  We ate there at least twice a day--and felt bad eating elsewhere Oh and we actually ate at a restaurant across from Paul, and the food was terrible  While I left to puke--my friend told the waitress that we weren't feeling well and she said "Oh yeah it's probably the cheese. It happens" WHAT REALLY? WE WILL NEVER DITCH YOU AGAIN PAUL! <3<3<3

Anyway, we then ran into some bad luck on our way to the first farm. We drank a bit too much the night before and decided to take a later train. Then we missed it. And the next one. And finally when the third train came it was right in front of us and we just...didn't get on. Once we realized that our train was zooming away, I looked at Anum and said "Fuck it, we aren't going." We decided 3 missed trains, and a help desk that opens RIGHT AFTER the train leaves = BAD OMEN. It's a funny situation to look back on but at the time I'm pretty sure we both wouldn't have minded going through a pack of cigarettes, killing each other, and tossing our luggage into a river. Poor Anum and her 900 kg suitcase. She packed more for two weeks than I packed for three months. 

Heading to the Healing Garden early was the best decision. Two train rides, a bus, and a ferry ride later we arrived on a small island called Fejo. The trip was just what we needed. She had the year from hell, and I had a really really rough time in Italy. It was really nice to be in a place where my only worry was "What am I cooking for dinner?" The island was very small. Everyone greets you --the weather was fantastic--pickable fruit all over the island--one pub with an owner that gave us free shots--bike rides--herb picking--lots of tea--good vegetarian food--making more jam than I probably ever will in a life time--homemade nutella--meditation--healing--new friends--dream-catchers--singing and dancing in the mornings--dressing up like a fairy and running down a hill--talks on fear and spirituality--Danish films--Goat cheese--so much goat cheese--did I mention goat cheese?--candle lit cabin--scary spiders--scary cats--fresh seaweed--crazy dancing--washing dishes with 3 people at once--and so much more.

I miss it so much. My heart craves the people and relationships I made this summer. I know that I am broke--and can barely afford my bills right now--but the experiences were completely worth it. I don't mind eating eggs for a few weeks. Seriously--don't buy an Ipad--go to Europe.

The garden really was paradise. I can't stop thinking about it, and I'm applying what I learned in such a short time to my life as a whole. I learned how to really listen to people--I became completely aware of my fears and what I need to work on, I realized it's okay feel a certain way--if you want to be pissed/angry/sad/happy You CAN and SHOULD allow yourself to be--it's fine--seriously--don't keep that shit inside--and most importantly I realized that I want to use what I have learned to further my learning (weird sentence--fuck it) and help others change their lives from it.

It is so so so so important to know some gardening basics. You can make medicine! In your back yard! That works! Seriously--the earth provides us with so much, and if just go back and re-learn the basics we will be okay. For the most part.