Saturday, June 28, 2014

What if I don't want to start a new chapter?

"You are turning a new page!" "It's not goodbye, it's see you later!" 
Give me a break.
"It's a new chapter in your life!" 
Well shit, was the last 24 years one big run-on sentence? 


I want to be happy for all of my friends living in different states, taking different paths, but at the same time I am so incredibly selfish in the sense that I want them all surrounding me at all times. If I had the money, I would buy a Hilton and fly all my friends in for an extended stay. We would have dance studios, and film studios, art studios, etc. We would establish a creative powerhouse and rule the world. Ugh, but unfortunately I didn't win the lottery this week, or learn how to count cards for casinos--fuck me. 

Who you surround yourself with and where you are, are so so so important. It can ruin your life, or do the opposite--And my friends are the best, so I WANT YOU ALL HERE NOW.

I want to create. I want to improvise. I want to write sketches. Luke- I am serious about starting our political humor jazz band. I want to go to open mic nights. I want to inspire people, and pump out as much quality work as possible. I'm so thankful that two of my best friends are moving to this city with me, but I am so incredibly sad that I won't have access to the rest of my friends like I used to. Educational institutions are like prisons, but I have been so incredibly lucky to be trapped with some bad ass bitches. If you can survive theater politics together--you can probably breathe under water too.

I still haven't adjusted fully to this post-grad life. Sometimes it's awesome--I've accomplished a lot in the past couple of weeks (NOTE: I still have not paid my overdue library fees, so I don't even have my diploma yet....ha....ha......ha but hey! Uf thinks I tried to get a minor in packaging science! WTFbut now I need to find a new "safe place" to create work, and it's a bit overwhelming. Everything is overwhelming.

The thought of my friends going off and getting married and starting families is overwhelming. It's a beautiful thought, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking WHEN WILL WE HANG OUT.

Damnit. Maybe I just need to chill the hell out. Maybe I feel this way because I'm an only chid, or maybe you all should move to Chicago. I hear tickets are cheap in August.

I'll meet you at the airport.

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