Wednesday, March 26, 2014

I'm 24 and still a little girl

I thought it would get easier telling people you liked them as you get older--but it's quite the opposite. When you are younger you display affection by pushing boys off of swings, or yelling "I LOVE YOU," and running away. It used to be so simple! The biggest commitment you wanted was a valentine card, or getting chased occasionally on the playground. And then as you get older the fear of rejection lingers. I'm thinking to myself I'm 24 years old, and I feel like if I tell this person how I feel, the world will end. Right here and now. You know how in the old Zelda games, fire consumes the planet? Yeah? That's how I feel in this moment--I WOULD RATHER get engulfed in flames than talk about this. 

Oh god, oh god, oh god. Can I be 5 again? But I can't be five again. Is it weird that I'm listening to Chet Baker right now? Dramatic. Hey--I have to make myself laugh while I'm being a baby. Right?  

And isn't attraction odd? For me  humor just does it--if you make me laugh, I'm sold. I think it's one of the most important qualities in a person. It makes me feel like I've met one of several comedy soul mates--but sometimes they don't want to join you for the ride. It's like you're laughing at two different jokes, and when you realize it, it's awkward. 

Why do people have to date anyway? Couldn't we just live in world where everyone is in the friend-zone ? No one would be disappointed then. We would just nod at each other and say "Oh well." Actually--maybe everyone would jut be extremely sexually frustrated--you know scratch that--that kind of shit leads to war. 

Well the good news is---I'm not 5 again like I wished, that would be exhausting--I don't want to relive the last 19 years, and the world didn't engulf in flames. There's always something to be happy about. Sometimes you have to experience the fall. 

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