I can appreciate a man that goes out of his way to jazz up his online dating profile. I mean don't get me wrong, anything is better than the "hey girl look how big dis fish I caught is ; ) ;) ;)" picture, but sometimes guys can seem too perfect.  Any guy that has a picture cuddling a baby tiger and/or petting
horses is a winner. He might as well have a picture feeding the hungry, or putting out a fire with a garden hose with a caption of "He does what he can," or stopping someone from tripping the Pope. Dear Guy, do you exist? I'm just going to go back to waiting for my hot Chicago improviser boyfriend**


*accepting applications 
*side note: anchorman 2 was fantastic.

Seminar

What I had to say to you, moreover, would not take long, to wit: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience BECOMING, to find out what’s inside you, to MAKE YOUR SOUL GROW.

-Kurt vonnegut

You know--one amazingly terrifying realization I have made from working on Seminar is how much of a scaredy cat I can be. I am terrified 90% of the time of sharing certain ideas, sketch work, new songs--pretty much anything personal that I keep close to my heart. I ADMITTED IT OK?  And why? Why is it human instinct to hold onto our creations until our fingerprints are burned there, and then let days--weeks--months--years go by before showing them to anyone. If we even man up to do so. It doesn't make sense. This is the time to be failing, and it's only then that we learn and better prepare ourselves for all types of criticism. Putting yourself out there is nerve wracking, but it's also the right thing to do, especially in a University setting where people care about you, or at least are great pretenders.

My show opens on Friday, and I'm still trying to figure out where the last four and a half weeks went. I am really excited. I couldn't be more happy with my cast--they are all really wonderful people, great players, and have a group dynamic that I think is difficult to find. Maybe I'm just being biased, or stroking my ego boner right now--but really. I have never once stopped believing in them or their work. Even when lines are forgotten, and moments are lost, and no one is listening--it's part of the process, and it amazes me every time what being present and just listening to words does.

The show questions what is at the core of the creator. What keeps an artist passionate, and when shit couldn't possibly get any worse, how do force yourself to keep going rather than give up. It's a place we have all fallen into, or are currently trapped in--and I think everyone can relate to the struggles of an artist.

It's kind of a perfect idea to explore right before graduating, because soon enough I'm not going to have quiet as large of a support system I sometimes forget that I have right now. We have access to so many wonderful resources whether a professors opinion, a free rehearsal space, thousands of books and free articles, access to people that will work on projects for free, computer labs, filming equipment, etc.

A few years/months/days ago I was complaining about what I have not learned at this University, and what I feel that I have missed out on, but honestly? You have to create your own work. You have to read books. You have to admit that you do not know everything, you will never know everything and sometimes you just need some god damn help. So ask for it. It won't kill you. Sometimes you have put down your cell phone and BE with people. Sometimes you have to be that person in class that raises their hand, while everyone else is too afraid to. Sometimes you need to scream at the top of your lungs and get all the negativity out. Sometimes you have to LISTEN to people. FEEL for people.

Just. Be. Present.

It's one of the most beautiful things you can do.

What my vending machine would look like

Vending machines piss me off--and I would like to redesign them. I wrote an email to someone at work a few weeks ago, providing several options that we could replace the un-purchased candy with in our department. Here is what I came up with.

Kind Bars

These are freaking delicious, and I love that their motto is "ingredients you can pronounce." You should know what you are putting into your body. I love these because most of them are 99% Paleo and they don't destroy my stomach or hurt my teeth like the fake sugary chemical ones do. 

Roasted Seaweed

Okay, so once you get over that seaweed looks like thin pieces of paper--these aren't bad. The only downside is that there is no pretty way to eat them. Trust me, I have tried. I prefer fresh seaweed salad, but this is cheaper and will do. The only ingredients are seaweed and salt. Win. 

Unsalted Almonds

Almonds are naturally sweet and are full of wonderful antioxidants that show love to your heart and cholesterol  I prefer almonds over those mixed nut packs that often contain candy, extra sugar and MSG. Just be simple. Okay?

Veggie Chips 

Vegetable chips! These are great, TraderJoes has a brand "Vegetable Root Chips," and Terra makes them as well. No chemicals. Gluten free. Tasty. No grease. Yum

Instant Soup

Dr. McDouglas soup is a much better alternative to Ramen noodles. These are a little more expensive than the $0.17 you are used to, but they are better for the body and there are gluten free and paleo options. Ramen is also high in fat,  packed with crazy amounts of sodium, as well as MSG. It's also pretty sad when you check out the nutritional information--first of all who eats half a pack of Ramen? No one. Well, a pack is 380 calories and 126 of those are from fat and white flour. Yay America.  

Apple Chips 

I'm all about these right now. These are a perfect fall snack, and a really great option for kids. You can even make them at home in yo' oven. Here's a recipe, she adds sugar and cinnamon, but you can do what you want.   Listed ingredients: apples. Keep it simple! 

Peter Rabbit Fruit Drink

Let's all be 5 again, but this time grab a healthy version of Capri Sun. This is a great grab and go drink, and helps knock out lurking hunger strikes. And the packaging is cute. Be a cool kid again. 

Dark Chocolate

If I were to add one sweet, it would be pure dark chocolate. First of all, it's hard to eat an entire bar of dark chocolate in  one sitting (and that isn't the point right?) it can be saved and enjoyed. 

I have a few more options bouncing around in my mind, but for now, these were the best. Maybe I have inspired you, maybe not--but do you really need those cheetos? I mean damn. 

Just take another look at this. Ew. 

An office job--is very much like The Office

I never pictured myself working in an office, but honestly, I AM SO HAPPY TO NOT WORK IN THE FOOD INDUSTRY ANYMORE. I used to work on campus--making salads--and feeding my friends. I did it for two years, and after I finally got a very needed raise--I quit. Can someone say dramatic?

I walked past the place the other day--same staff--same miserable look--same salady smell.

I just couldn't do it anymore. Even one hour of salad making felt like I was on a long journey to hell. My shifts were never more than four hours, but it sure did feel like eternity. The company on campus is extremely unorganized, we apparently hire racists and slackers (One time a girl I worked with called a Chinese man "Ching Ching" and asked what he wanted. She called all white men Charles--and she would also take 45 minute bathroom breaks as soon as I arrived. She still works there. This is year three. Go Merika!), and my boss always called me by a different name. Plain and simple. It just sucked.

And now I am working for a super awesome company that helps save lives. Everyone I work with is really friendly, and the company treats everyone with the same amount of respect. I have awesome hours, the work isn't difficult, I even show up 15 minutes early and clock in 7 miles a day on my bike. How adult like.

Working in an office is a bit bizarre though. I guess I now understand office humor. But seriously, don't let your kids work in the food industry. Unless you hate them. Then by all means.

Seriously, don't buy an iPad--go to Europe

First of all--I just discovered this band and really dig them.

Anyway..moving on...

It's been about a month since I've returned to America. I MISS YOU EUROPE! Why was I not born in a Scandinavian country? WHY? Maybe in my next life. Hopefully.

The end of my European adventure was spent with Anum. I messaged her earlier this year and said, "Hey wanna go farming with me in August?" Luckily she said yes-- probably after a mental What The Fuck? And that was that. 

I looked into an organisation called WWOOF and found two farms in Denmark that sparked interest. We decided to spend a few nights in Copenhagen before farming our asses off. Copenhagen was great--we took our time walking around meaning getting lost too often, hanging out in the Botanical gardens, seeing friends and making new ones, and of course finding our equally shared soul-mate Paul. 

Oh Paul. Paul was a cute little book cafe we were introduced to. EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT.  We ate there at least twice a day--and felt bad eating elsewhere Oh and we actually ate at a restaurant across from Paul, and the food was terrible  While I left to puke--my friend told the waitress that we weren't feeling well and she said "Oh yeah it's probably the cheese. It happens" WHAT REALLY? WE WILL NEVER DITCH YOU AGAIN PAUL! <3<3<3

Anyway, we then ran into some bad luck on our way to the first farm. We drank a bit too much the night before and decided to take a later train. Then we missed it. And the next one. And finally when the third train came it was right in front of us and we just...didn't get on. Once we realized that our train was zooming away, I looked at Anum and said "Fuck it, we aren't going." We decided 3 missed trains, and a help desk that opens RIGHT AFTER the train leaves = BAD OMEN. It's a funny situation to look back on but at the time I'm pretty sure we both wouldn't have minded going through a pack of cigarettes, killing each other, and tossing our luggage into a river. Poor Anum and her 900 kg suitcase. She packed more for two weeks than I packed for three months. 

Heading to the Healing Garden early was the best decision. Two train rides, a bus, and a ferry ride later we arrived on a small island called Fejo. The trip was just what we needed. She had the year from hell, and I had a really really rough time in Italy. It was really nice to be in a place where my only worry was "What am I cooking for dinner?" The island was very small. Everyone greets you --the weather was fantastic--pickable fruit all over the island--one pub with an owner that gave us free shots--bike rides--herb picking--lots of tea--good vegetarian food--making more jam than I probably ever will in a life time--homemade nutella--meditation--healing--new friends--dream-catchers--singing and dancing in the mornings--dressing up like a fairy and running down a hill--talks on fear and spirituality--Danish films--Goat cheese--so much goat cheese--did I mention goat cheese?--candle lit cabin--scary spiders--scary cats--fresh seaweed--crazy dancing--washing dishes with 3 people at once--and so much more.

I miss it so much. My heart craves the people and relationships I made this summer. I know that I am broke--and can barely afford my bills right now--but the experiences were completely worth it. I don't mind eating eggs for a few weeks. Seriously--don't buy an Ipad--go to Europe.

The garden really was paradise. I can't stop thinking about it, and I'm applying what I learned in such a short time to my life as a whole. I learned how to really listen to people--I became completely aware of my fears and what I need to work on, I realized it's okay feel a certain way--if you want to be pissed/angry/sad/happy You CAN and SHOULD allow yourself to be--it's fine--seriously--don't keep that shit inside--and most importantly I realized that I want to use what I have learned to further my learning (weird sentence--fuck it) and help others change their lives from it.

It is so so so so important to know some gardening basics. You can make medicine! In your back yard! That works! Seriously--the earth provides us with so much, and if just go back and re-learn the basics we will be okay. For the most part. 

The Love and Peace Caravan

That one time I decided to go to Norway with a Love and Peace caravan. Yeah that happened. AND IT ROCKED.

One flight and a four hour bus ride later, I was greeted by a really kind woman--who not only three weeks ago, I told I HAD to meet.

There was something about her couch-surfing profile that was intriguing, and odd, and so much fun. Originally I contacted her just to have me sleep on her couch, and instead I was invited on a road trip with the love and peace caravan. I accepted, and I am so happy I did.

It all began in a small room of a hotel. 12 of us sat there (two from Belgium, one from Portland, and the rest from Norway) slightly in awkward silence--taking much longer sips of coffee than needed, and then Lil said, "I'm doing this because I believe in peace, and I think people are too afraid of eachother." Her words were completely genuine--and very true. I knew this is where I needed to be-- and as crazy as this trip seemed--I felt incredibly safe. We basically were told that together we create the itenerary--we had set end points but how we got there was up to us. So we settled in four cars and our journey began.

Norway is breathtakingly beautiful. I can't recall a time in my life that I have ever felt THAT peaceful.

Even my long bus ride was a dream. The water--the mountains--the nature--was absolutely perfect and so so very relaxing. I quickly loved the concept of the road trip. We were constantly switching cars so we were able to get to know each other. Our first destination was only 30 minutes away but we took about 5 hours to get there. I'm really glad I said yes to this trip--if I would have gone to Norway on my own--I never would have seen what I saw--and now I have 11 new friends that I can visit :)

That's another thing--I really loved these people. Their humor and sarcasm was right up my alley. Everyone (for the most part) had a smile on their face, and were so so generous. I didn't have a sleeping bag---then I did. I didn't have a towel--then I did.

**Let me just take a moment to slightly complain even though I planned not too BUT older people from Portland are effin' IDENTICAL to Portlandia and not in a good way. In a---"OhMyGod......What....Why......" But really. If you want more on this, ask me in person--I shouldn't really shit talk people online. BUT PORTLANDIA IS REAL LIFE.****

ANYWAY

I learned a ton about the people of Norway, the government, the lifestyle, opinions on America--it was really nice to hear new perspectives. It's more information than a book could have told me in my limited amount of time there.

We also had some funny things happen because of Lil's car. It is a crowd pleaser. We were parked on a mountain and a bus of people from Korea got off--she told them to come over--and next thing you know we are showered with pictures with all the Asians. It was great. Later on at a camping site--this Korean woman did a small dance for us and offered us some Jesus bookmarks that she had made.

Interesting things happen in Norway. Haha.

The trip was too short. I was only able to stay for half of it--and I really feel the need to go back. I was invited to a snow cave in the winter--WHAT? Maybe I'll go. I learned a lot in those two days. The biggest thing was to treat people with kindness, and to meet as many people as possible. We really are too afraid of people. Next time someone makes eye contact, say hello. You never know who they could be, or what they have to say.

Lil also gave me confidence in my art. After I told her what I was doing with my life she said "And you are only 23? I'm impressed." Everyone I seem to meet this summer has told me they believe I will make it--and that I will get to where I want to be. It's really refreshing and a really nice confidence boost. I believe that I work really hard--and I hope in ten years it will be a blast to laugh about all the shit and difficulties I had to work through. After all...all you can do is laugh.

This is probably one of my favorite pictures ever. My new friends peacing me off. :)

So--if you've never been to Norway, you must go. It's one of the most peaceful places I have ever been--and we could all use a bit more of that right?

Ciao Italy!

What. The. Hell.
Where did the last nine weeks go, and how did they go by so quickly?
I'm currently laying in my Rome hostel after a long day of travel. YOU CAN NEVER TRUST AN ITALIAN TRAIN...but more on this later.

I have learned so much in the past nine weeks--most importantly, the importance (what) of keeping a daily journal. THANK YOU KATHY. Change and awareness can most definitely occur in a short amount of time.  I have learned that people you barely know can treat you with the most kindness THERE IS HOPE WORLD...whether it's a night shirt when you have lost all of your clothing (Thank you Meg :) ) or a pair of sandals when you haven't got a pair (Thank you Mary,) or a tube of toothpaste when you have run out (Thank you Lisa :D ) orrrr a place to stay and good company (Melanie, and Zack) or a free haircut...gosh there are so many thanks to be given.

I learned that I do in fact have the ability to be a good teacher--I just need to stop doubting myself, and realize that this is one big process. I can't know everything, and some days...just...suck. (Most of this realization came from Sophie. Because well, she is awesome--and helped me destroy most of my negativity)

I have also learned that even in Italy you can have shit days, despite the typical "LIKEomGzzzz you are in Italy, stop complaining!!!" This is bullshit. Things can suck anywhere, BUT it is important to remember that the cure can be as simple as a sunset, or a mountain. You can choose to change your outlook.

I've learned to enjoy taking my time--something I don't think happens very often in America. No wonder everyone is getting fat. Whether peeling a peach with a knife (and failing about 30 times,) or handwashing all my clothing, or simply breathing in my surrounds...like I said earlier...you don't have to go to Chine to see the sky...

I have also realized that I am so ready for LA. My host mom confirmed this as well. It's funny to look back at one of my first posts of the summer where I am clearly LOOSING MY MIND about the future. I was considering going to Thailand. What? Me? No. There is still time to see the world, and I have seen more than I ever thought I'd be able to. It's time to finally, and seriously pursue what I know I love. This comedy bullshit ;) with my best friend. I'm thinking of it like an Italian train, if you miss it (and you will,) figure out your next move, and get to where you need to be. 

So, tomorrow I head to Copenhagen for a few days, then a very random, and hopefully awesome Hippie Adventure with 15 people I don't know, that may or may not kidnap me and make me live with elves in the Norwegian mountains. I'm ready for life, and actually very excited about this trip. I decided to say HELL YES to the opportunity, because when else will I be able to camp on the tallest peak in Norway? Hmm? HMM? Call me crazy, and I am--but this is so happening. 

I would like to do a short summer recap, followed by some Italian tips:

Things I am thankful for:

My first gelato of the summer, with my new friend Meg :)

Sicily 

Meg

Cheese. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHEESE.

Sophie. I owe you so much, you don't even know. The laughs, the realness--I love you. 

That one time I learned an Italian dance. 

* Everyone I worked with during the first week of camp

* Singing "Hit me baby one more time," for a ton of Italian's. What?

* The insanely loud toilet. I still miss it

* A really long and awkward attempt at ordering a white russian

* GLUTEN FREE PIZZA

* MELENZANE mmm.....

* Free gelato, and sweets, and almond milk

* Cheap fruit. Cheap Cheese. Cheap coffee. 

* Tequilla boom boom 

* The girls from sardinia

* Lion King dating show, Pirate show, Peterpan show

* Salerno shopping sales

* The kid that wrote me a love letter

* Food in Sicily. GRANITAS IN SICILY, really, ANYTHING in Sicily

* Sabaudia--the sea, the hills, the mojito parties

* My host dads brother that tried to hook me up with the chef "He is an artist--of the chicken"

* SO MUCH MORE

And Now for some tips, based on my travels these past couple of weeks:

 1. Please learn the basics. Don't be caught saying "Dove Banjo" see below

 

                                                      

2. You will stick out as an American, so PLEASE DO NOT MAKE IT WORSE by wearing your 

red/white/blue walmart eagle shirt. Or your "I HEART ROME," sweatshirt, IN ROME.

3. Coffee is fantastic, and so is Gelato--but for the love of god, if you are in a touristy area, GET IT TO GO.

4. Italian's currently have a very strange addiction to tacky neon clothing. 

5. If you are in a place that serves fresh almond milk ORDER IT PRONTO

6. There is NO NEED to worry about your body image while at the beach. Seriously. You will see a whole lot more than you have ever wanted to see. 

7. Don't confuse pazzo and cazzo. One is crazy. One is dick. I'll let you figure it out. 

8. Please don't complain about the lack of Chinese restaurants. AND PLEASE DO NOT GO TO McDONLANDS! YOU ARE IN ITALY. EAT ITALIAN FOOD. 

9. Be careful...15 yearolds will mistakenly look like 20something yearolds. 

10. When people say they are "engaged" it doesn't mean he put a ring on it. "I'm single in the summer," is a commonly followed phrase. 

11. Your train will be late. 

12. If you order a mixed drink, I advise packing a container of juice in your bag. The drinks here are way too strong and pretty gross in result.....stick with vino. 

12. Learn to take your time :) Enjoy every moment--it will help you at some point in your life. 

And now...I'm going to enjoy my final gelato. And probably eat a block of cheese. 

Ciao!