Graduating and New Bands

 

As graduation approaches, I really don't know what my next step in life is going to be. I was dead set on moving to Chicago for the last two years, because I fell in love with the city during an improvisation intensive...and thennnnn I went to California. Perfect weather. A good foundation of friends living there already. Earthquakes? Eh. Whatever.

One of my best friends and I have started working on a pilot--and I think that it could be successful  Yeah...I'm aware that EVERYONE says that, but LA is the place to be. But commitment scares me. I can't even read one book at a time. Moving scares me. I fall UP the stairs! I mean I want to leave Gainesville as soon as possible, BUT WHERE TO?!?!

There was something about Italy that made me feel creatively alive. I wasn't bogged down by school stress, or show stress, or whatever other type of stress there is out there. I felt alive. I felt free. [Insert other hippie-shit phrase here] I just feel like Not-America is where I need to be. Maybe I'll look into graduate programs or something--there are so many places I want to go.

Like Iceland!

Bjork and I could be best friends. She's crazy and creative. Maybe she will cast me as puking glitter tree in her next music video. 

Or Norway!

How can you be depressed living there! Except maybe for that guy...hopefully he didn't jump. Yikes. 

Or France!

Look at The Gardens at Marqueyssac. I want to be all up in that! This is where the oompa loompas live. I swear. Sigh. 

I'm currently reading a book called Writing the Pilot, and it has actually been extremely helpful. It's teaching me how to analyze successful pilots, and tv shows, and why they have had the success that they have had. So this is all great--but the more I think about post-graduation...I don't exactly picture myself in a cubicle--I also don't expect something to fall into my lap, because let's face it--that rarely happens--my parents aren't rich and I don't plan on sleeping my way through a company sooooo.....I just don't know.

Part of me wants to move to LA, and start my life--I could  hopefully get a job/internship with a major network company, and after years and years of hard work, work my way up and hope that someone will look at my script. The other part of me, and I would say 85% of me, wants to leave the country, teach all over, pay off my student debt within two years and travel the world.

The scale is easily unbalanced on this decision. I don't know what to do. Hell I know what to do, graduate and book some job in China--but that's a big decision, and shouldn't I find something more stable? Find a place that I can call my home? Have somewhere to return to? I guess I will give the summer a go and see what happens.

It's funny, the more and more I look at my room the more shit I give away, and the more shit I give away, the more I realize how little I could live with (aside from a few dozen books and my instruments.) This has been one of the greatest lessons I have learned from traveling. We really don't need much at all, and we often spend our money on unnecessary things. I guess I'm guilty of this too--if you see me at Trader Joes--I will have AT LEAST 5 different types of cheese in my cart. Go Figure. But really. Donate something. Donate lots of things--and I guess be kind to people too.

Here are so new bands I found, maybe you'll like them, maybe not. 

Serafina Steer - Disco Compilation 

She plays harp, and she's funny. 

And....

Nadine Shah - Aching Bones
I couldn't post the video for some reason.

On being Fat

While pondering at Boca last night, I was reminded of one of my first experiences in the theater department. I remember going to my Acting II professors office after class one day, and I asked, "How am I doing? Can we talk about my progress in acting in this class?" Her response "Do you really want to know? Shut the door." This scared the shit out of me. I came into the university as a music major, and after two years I just couldn't do it anymore. I had always had an interest in acting, and was never given the opportunity in high school, because the two departments hated each other. My mind was racing...maybe I should run back to music--I know i'm good at that at least. 

The first thing she told me was "If I didn't think you were talented, I would tell you to go into Stage Managing or something." I was relieved--but I now realize how offensive that comment was. At the time, I didn't really know what a stage manager was--or how much responsibility they had, so fuck you J...let's call her Juby. She kept talking--and I kid you not--her only comment ABOUT MY ACTING  was "You need to lose 50 pounds."

.....

Thank you. That really evaluates the work I've done in your class. So I guess whenever I performed, her only thoughts were "Oh god--look at those 50 extra pounds," or maybe when she took notes on my scene work, she instead sketched out my new, skinny, media influenced body on her notepad.

Oh and here is the best part.

"That should be doable this summer."

WAIT.WHAT? Losing 50lbs in a summer? Are you nuts? Do you want me to look like a sick person? Maybe she wanted to write me in as "Pale Ghost Whore #2," she is known for adding roles. Being new, and scared, I didn't let my inner monologue pop out right then and there, instead I said "Yeah. Sure. I can do that."

Then she proceeded to give me tips. Apparently she wakes up every morning and does an hour of cardio with no food beforehand--then she eats exactly 4 almonds, and 2 pieces of lettuce all day.

"You might feel light-headed but you will be okay. Just start a notebook of images of famous beautiful actors that you will never look like, and cry. Crying actually makes your workout more intense--I also find that saying the actors name out loud is quite helpful. I personally use Natalie Portman. I say her name over and over and over, until an emotional response surfaces. This will help you later for method acting, and developing your "As-If's."  It also helps if you workout in front of a mirror because you are constantly reminded of your flaws. You can look at yourself and say "Come on Juby! LOOK AT THAT FLAB. THAT FLAB COULD FEED A SMALL FAMILY. BAD JUBY. BAD. TOMORROW YOU ONLY GET 3 ALMONDS..MAYBE ONLY TWO YOU PIECE OF SHIT. Just get used to the feeling of your stomach eating the rest of your body away--eating disorders aren't that bad!"

Okay I'm kidding about the very last part. But she did think it was doable in one summer. And hey guess what Juby--I've lost 45 pounds. Healthily. In a year and a half. So Suck it.

So that was a nice introduction into the department. I know that image is important--I get that--I'm not an idiot--but I am working my ass off and I know that if I am positive and continue this work ethic, I will have success. It really is about confidence. Have you ever seen someone rock a really ugly outfit?

Don't you just want to party with this Barbie?

But really, be confident, be happy, be positive, and work hard..really hard. It will pay off. 

You were a 5 star now youz a 1.

I'm back. 

I think it's interesting how our attraction to people can TOTALLY and COMPLETELY cause our minds to lie. The last guy I kind of dated ended up being a tool. I saw him a few more times after said "toolness," because let's face it..I was lonely and had needs. What blew my mind was how unattractive he was after my liking spree ended. If I had a dick, I would have struggled getting it up. I think a stripper from Cafe Risque' would have had more luck. Don't get me wrong he isn't ugly AT ALL, but I guess when a guy is not who you think he is, you find it mad easy to change his 5 star rating to half a star. Yes, I realized I just typed "mad easy," I guess it's one of those days. 

I remember the last time I saw him I layed there looking into his eyes thinking "You really disgust me, and I hate you. I see your smile. Mine is totally fake. I know you think I'm hot. Can you leave?" I smiled back. I felt like a player.

It was one of those--I-need-to-be-on-something-for-this-to-work-moments.

It was one of those Maybe-if-I-close-my-eyes-and-pretend-you-are-Don Draper-this-can-work-moments.

It was one of those Shit-I'm-not-in-Kansas-anymore-moments.

I think I need to date a boy that fits this description and article:

"His Facebook friend count will be over-the-roof, and his wall will be plastered with the broken English ‘miss-you’ of friends he met along the way. When he travels, he makes lifelong friends in an hour. And although contact with these friends is sporadic and may be far-between, his bonds are unmessable and if he wanted, he could couch surf the world… again."

Date a boy who travels.

Every guy I dated aside from my first boyfriend, has been..in better words a pussy. The second guy I dated in high school was a toxic, fucked up, bi-polar mess--and at the time I was too young and stupid to end it sooner. I can't believe I didn't stand up for myself, but I guess that's what growing up is all about.

The next boyfriend I had was a magician (for real), and he magically made another girl appear, while I was stored away in a box with knives poking at me. The common theme among my relationships has been their jealousy of my "social butterflyness," and they also, they have had no desire to travel.

How can you not  travel? Honestly, I would have no problem getting my degree and leaving. Teaching all over, working as a tutor--I don't care...I just want to see the world--it makes my soul happy. So yes, I need to date a boy that travels. I don't have time for guys that are somehow intimidated of my personality, or guys that half like me, or aren't accepting of the love I have to give. I have become much more open in the last year and I guess that's just too much to handle.

I've reached a point where I'm not really interested in a real relationship--I'd rather sit at home, cook, read, and watch The Office. I don't need a man--but hey you "pot-smoking-I'm-too-afraid-to-let-my-guard-down-fucker," I hope you miss me while I'm having the time of my life all summer :) Gainesville is a hell hole. How fitting for you :)

And to all the Denmark Boys...

Fresh

Hey There. 

I decided to start a new blog, since my old one was still convinced I was in Italy, and was a royal pain in my ass. I also want to work on my writing. I have been in a funk for a while and have developed a fear of writing. I think it's because I have convinced myself that most..scratch that ALL... of my ideas are idiotic. My friends will argue otherwise, but what do they know! They are friends!

Did I mention how much I love The Smiths (And how scatterbrained I am)? There is something about Morrissey that makes me laugh, and puts me at ease. PLUS his super fabulously gay dance in this video always gets me. 

I can actually do a pretty good impression of him (it's one of my talents aside from mouth trumpet, and sounding like a black reverend,) and I won't lie--sometimes I get messed up and mimic this dance. Don't judge me. I know you do weird shit when you are alone at home too. 
Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a 26 year-old high gay man rocking an over sized flower-patterned shirt. Shut up. 

I passed all my classes this semester which is pretty sweet. I didn't think I was in the danger zone, but I was beyond stressed. I actually don't know how the hell it's May right now. I was involved in three productions, each following each other and the last being my comedy show. Anyone that writes comedy knows it's hell--until it's showtime. There is the fear of the material not being funny. There is a point where people new to sketch comedy secretly want to quit, because it is unlike any other theater experience and process. There is the fear that your brilliant writing partner is going to quit and/or commit stress suicide. There is the fear that one day you won't be kidding about jumping in your pool and not resurfacing *Note 1: I'm not an emo chick. Don't report me. Anyway, there are a lot of fears and every semester I think "There is no way I can do this again," but the show always goes surprisingly well. I have had a lot of great feedback and really loved my cast this time--so yes I will do it again and I will do it big. How will we top dirty nuns and dirty catholic kids that sing? No idea. 

It's really nice to have a break. My roommate and cat are gone for the summer, and my second roommate is never home so I have the place to myself for a while. I am catching up on reading and ordering books on everything I am bad at like...organization, "loving yourself," and "Working your way up in a business." LET'S SEE HOW THIS GOES. I also purchased Steve Martin's book Born Standing Up, and a book about a nun that left the convent called Out of the Habit. I've told myself that I won't add any other books until I finish these....or else my living room will be covered in quarter read books. 

The most exciting part of my summer is on it's way. I will be flying into Copenhagen at the end of the month, chilling there for a few days, then I'm off to Italy to work with kids again for eight weeks, then I return to Copenhagen to Wwoof with a friend for three weeks. I am beyond excited. I have contacted a ton of people through couchsurfing.com, so hopefully I find someone cool to stay with for a few days. I really love the concept--as long as I don't stay with some creeper that tries to feed me tons of Danish Hash Treats. I'm not sure why I picked Copenhagen--it was much cheaper to fly into than Italy, but something about it is calling to me. I feel like great things are going to happen this summer, and I can't wait to meet more people from all over the world. If I could...I'd pack up and leave right now and probably not return. 

So this blog will be used to document my travels, random shit and ideas. I hope you enjoy. If not, well then, poshel na khuy!